ALERT
STATUS
- Attention All Citizens
-
CODE TANGERINE FEAR ALERT IS
IN EFFECT
DO NOT PANIC! Your chances of being in a terrorist
situation yourself, or having a family member tortured and raped or killed in a
terrorist attack, are less than 50/50. Meanwhile, your government is working
24/7 to protect you. We never stop fighting for your freedom. Citizens should
complete their normal routine, and support Rocky City's terrorist-fighting
efforts and policies. |
Terrorism In These Troubled Times
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What does a Fear Alert warning mean? The new Rocky
City Terrorism Bureau is composed of mulitiple, coordinated departments to
detect and neutralize threats against citizens. A new department, the Office of
Quality Media Reporting and Freedom of Speech, is empowered through the Media
Free Speech Compliance Act of 2004, a new law that prevents terrorist
journalists from issuing disturbing news on city broadcast channels and radio
stations. This new department is also responsible for providing the same
quantity of newpaper, radio and television news to you as before the Act took
effect, thereby meeting our goal of not interfering with First Amendment Rights
of our people.
The colored Fear Alert level is a signal to city
officials to take specific actions to protect your security. You need not fear
- we have prevented many dangers from reaching our citizens, and will continue
to do so.
We greatly thank Mayor Stagg for his leadership in
protecting the safety of our citizens. |
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Stagg's War on Terrorism
"In spite of our recent victories, the War on
Terorrism in our great City is far from over," Mayor Stagg said at a diplomatic
conference on Wednesday. "We must not let the agents of evil again establish
their axis of evil to threaten the freedom of our citizens."
Mayor Stagg's new
counter-terrorism measures include 17,492 new laws signed into effect under his
Emergency Powers authority since 9/11.
Combined with the in-home
monitoring systems of the Water Closet Inspections Bureau, seven hundred and
fifty two new secret agencies are charged with maintaining vigilant watch on
any suspected terrorist. If a terrorist threat is identified by the overall
coordinator of the City's new Total Information systems, Westley Stagg, they
can be either terminated immediately or detained as war criminals without legal
representation. Three hundred twenty five individuals are currently detained
under these provisions, including two former mayors, a former police chief, one
mayor of a town recently annexed by Rocky City who was previously married to
the woman who Stagg is currently living with, seventy two former candidates for
office within Rocky City including the mayor hopeful who ran against Stagg
during the last election ten years ago, and various other individuals who are a
threat to our free society in these troubled times.
"We cannot afford a reactive
stance on terrorism," Mayor Stagg declared. "We must come down hard on these
threats to our freedom before they can harm us, not after the damage is done.
We also cannot afford to risk our freedom by delays like Due Process for
criminal prosecution or partisan bickering in the legislature to make laws we
need to protect our citizens. "
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ROCKY CITY BULLETIN BOARD
Citizen's
Forum
| S.K.P. City Collections
Dept,: "Me and my kids put one of those signs on the front door. I wouldn't
want to raise a family nowhere else but Rocky City. Mayor Stagg is spending a
thousand bucks against terrorism for every dime that any place else is putting
into it. We feel safe, and we're happy to call the Water Closet agents when we
see someone who maybe don't belong around here or looks funny or owes me money
or something. There's cops everywhere, so it's easy to find one
anytime" |
MESSAGES TO OUR CITIZENS
|
ORANGE
ALERT!!!
Citizens are
advised to prepare to secure their homes in event of possible terrorist attack.
Signs displaying "Protected by Rocky City Government" for your front door are
available to anyone showing I.D. and residency at the Town Hall. Let the
terrorists know that R.C.'s police are trusted to defend your
home!
The City will be offsetting the cost of plastic
sheeting and duct tape for all citizens at all Fragg Hardware Stores throughout
Rocky City and outlying areas until further notice.
All costs for City-authorized expenses for materials of this type
will be tax deductable on your Rocky City tax return.
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GET YOUR OWN Protected By Rocky City
Security Forces DOOR SIGN HERE
Instructions: RIGHT CLICK on the thumbnail above,
and choose SAVE TARGET AS to save the file on your computer. (If you SAVE
PICTURE AS instead, you'll just save the little thumbnail.) This is
approximately a 1500 x 1000 jpg file (114 KB).
When you print, print in landscape layout and choose
FIT TO PAGE if it's available. The page can be laminated, placed in a mylar
envelope, or printed on poster paper for durability. |
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